Delay the Urge

Delaying action on urges is used across several behavioral and relapse-prevention approaches.

But:

“Delay the Urge”

is not one of the standard standalone DBT skill names.

Several DBT skills support the same basic ability:

experiencing an urge without immediately following it.

These include:

• Urge Surfing
• Mindfulness of Urges
• STOP
• Pros and Cons
• Distraction

Relapse-prevention and craving-management approaches commonly teach:

waiting before acting on a craving.

This creates time for the intensity of the urge to change and for other coping strategies to be used.

This page applies the same general principle more broadly to urges and impulses.

You can experience:

“I really want to do this”

without immediately moving to:

“Therefore, I am doing it.”

Delaying creates another step:

“I notice the urge. I'll decide later.”

You do not need to convince yourself:

“I don't actually want this.”

You may want it very strongly.

The skill is:

not acting yet.

Urges are not always equally intense from moment to moment.

An urge may:

• Increase
• Peak
• Decrease
• Return later
• Change when the situation changes

Delaying gives you a chance to see what happens before acting.

When an urge feels extremely strong, attention can narrow toward:

immediate relief.

A delay allows more room to consider:

• Consequences
• Goals
• Values
• Other options
• What you will want afterward

Repeated behavior can become:

trigger → urge → action

with very little conscious space between them.

Delaying adds:

trigger → urge → pause → choice.

Even when the urge remains uncomfortable, that extra step matters.

You may delay for several minutes and discover:

“I don't want this nearly as much now.”

That can happen.

You may also reach the end of the delay and still feel a strong urge.

That does not mean the skill failed.

You practiced:

having the urge without immediately acting on it.

An urge may decrease and later return.

That does not erase the delay you already completed.

You can use the skill again.

If the urge feels overwhelming, telling yourself:

“I will never do this again”

may feel impossible.

Instead try:

“Not for the next five minutes.”

Or even:

“Not for the next minute.”

Depending on the urge and situation, you might choose:

• One minute
• Five minutes
• Ten minutes
• Twenty minutes
• Until tomorrow

The important part is:

making the delay specific enough that you know what you are committing to.

A manageable delay can be extended.

For example:

“Five minutes first.”

At five minutes:

“Can I do another five?”

Breaking time into smaller pieces may feel easier than making one very large commitment.

Instead of repeatedly asking:

“Has it been long enough?”

set a timer.

Then your immediate job becomes:

do not act until the timer ends.

When the timer ends, do not automatically think:

“Now I get to do it.”

Instead ask:

• How strong is the urge now?
• What do I want to do now?
• What are the likely consequences?
• Would another delay help?

Notice:

• Where you are
• What you see
• What you hear
• Your feet against the floor

This can help shift attention out of:

“I need to act now.”

See:

Grounding.

You might:

• Watch something
• Do a simple task
• Play a game
• Listen to music
• Read

The goal is to occupy some of the time while the urge is active.

See:

Distraction or ACCEPTS.

If the urge comes with restlessness, try:

• Walking
• Gentle Movement
• Stretching

while the delay is running.

Give yourself a comfortable sensory experience.

For example:

• Music
• A warm drink
• A comfortable blanket
• A shower

See:

Self-Soothing.

You might tell someone you trust:

“I'm having a strong urge to do something I'm trying not to do. Can you stay on the phone with me for a few minutes?”

Support can make the delay easier to maintain.

Instead of distracting, you can intentionally observe:

• Where you feel the urge in your body
• Thoughts that accompany it
• Whether its intensity changes
• What happens from moment to moment

This begins to overlap with:

Mindfulness of Urges and Urge Surfing.

Try not to spend the entire delay thinking:

“Go away. Go away. Go away.”

Instead:

“The urge is here. I'm not acting on it right now.”

If practical, move away from:

• A triggering situation
• An object connected with the urge
• A website or app
• A conversation that is escalating
• Another immediate cue

Physical or digital distance can make delaying easier.

See:

Change Environment.

If a behavior is too easy to perform automatically, make it slightly less immediate.

For example:

• Close the app
• Leave the room
• Put the item farther away
• Ask another person to stay with you

The goal is to create enough space for a deliberate choice.

Instead of:

“I have to resist this all night,”

try:

“I only need to get through the next five minutes.”

Then repeat if needed.

Delay may work better when combined with:

• Change Environment
• Distraction
• TIPP
• Grounding
• Urge Surfing
• Pros and Cons
• Support from another person

You do not need to prove that Delay the Urge can work entirely by itself.

Some urges carry much greater consequences than others.

The more dangerous or difficult to control the behavior would be, the more important it is to add:

• Distance from the behavior
• Support from another person
• A treatment or safety plan
• Professional help when needed

A timer alone is not enough for every situation.

If the urge involves behavior that could seriously harm:

• You
• Another person

use more support than a simple delay exercise.

When possible:

• Move away from anything that would make acting easier
• Get near a safe, supportive person
• Use your established safety or crisis plan
• Contact professional or crisis support

If you believe you may act in a way that creates immediate danger, the priority is:

getting help and increasing safety,

not trying to manage the situation entirely by yourself.

Use the crisis-support information on this site or emergency services when immediate safety is at risk.

Craving-management approaches commonly teach people to wait rather than immediately act.

The craving may:

• Become less intense
• Shift
• Return later

The important lesson is:

the feeling of urgency does not guarantee that the craving will remain exactly this intense.

Some craving-management materials describe urges fading within minutes.

That does not mean every craving for every behavior follows the same schedule.

Use your delay as an opportunity to reassess, not as a guarantee that the craving must disappear by a particular minute.

If you are working on substance use or another recurring behavior with a treatment team, use:

• Your relapse-prevention plan
• Recovery supports
• People you have identified for help
• Other coping strategies you have practiced

Delay the Urge can be one part of that larger plan.

You may have an urge to:

• Send an angry message
• Yell
• Confront someone immediately
• Quit

Delaying does not mean the problem should never be addressed.

It means:

decide how to address it after the most urgent impulse has had some time to change.

After the delay, you may still decide:

• A boundary needs to be set
• The issue needs to be discussed
• You need to say no

Consider using:

• Assertive Communication
• “I” Statements
• DEAR MAN

to handle the underlying issue.

If you have a strong urge to send a message, write it without sending it yet.

Put it in:

• A draft
• A notes app
• A journal

Set a delay, then reread it.

After the delay, ask:

• Is it accurate?
• Is it unnecessarily harsh?
• Does it communicate what I actually need?
• Do I want this message to exist after I send it?

Then:

edit, send, or delete.

You may notice an urge to:

• Refresh an inbox
• Check for a reply
• Look something up again
• Repeat another check

Try:

“I will wait five minutes before checking again.”

At the end, reassess whether another check is actually useful.

If checking is part of:

• Obsessive-compulsive symptoms
• Another persistent mental-health problem

simply delaying it is not a substitute for evidence-based treatment.

Use treatment guidance from your clinician when you have it.

Instead of:

buy or don't buy right now,

try:

“If I still want this tomorrow, I can reconsider it.”

The item does not have to become forbidden forever.

You are changing:

when the decision happens.

You might:

• Close the shopping page
• Leave the item in the cart
• Walk away from the store

and make the final decision after the delay.

You may feel a strong urge to:

• Cancel
• Stay in bed
• Put off a task
• Avoid a conversation

You can delay that avoidance.

For example:

“Before I cancel, I'll wait ten minutes and think about what I actually need.”

During the delay, you might use:

• One Small Step
• Five-Minute Rule
• Behavioral Activation

to see whether beginning changes the urge to avoid.

Your body may signal:

• Hunger
• Thirst
• Need for the bathroom
• Sleepiness
• Pain
• Other physical needs

These are not automatically behaviors to suppress or delay.

The skill is intended for an urge toward an action you have reason to pause, reconsider, or change.

Ask:

“Is this an impulsive urge, or is my body telling me about a legitimate need?”

Respond appropriately to actual physical needs.

If you need to move away from:

• Traffic
• A fire
• Violence
• Another immediate danger

do not use Delay the Urge to override a necessary safety response.

Act to protect safety.

Delay the Urge is most useful when:

acting right now is optional.

It is not a rule that all impulses should be delayed.

During the delay, ask:

• What would happen immediately?
• What would happen later?
• What problem might this solve?
• What problem might it create?

If the decision is important, use:

Pros and Cons.

Acting on an urge may have:

an immediate benefit

and:

a later cost.

Or resisting an urge may feel difficult now but support something you care about later.

Consider both.

Try:

“If I don't let urgency make the decision, what do I actually want to stand for here?”

This might involve:

• Health
• Relationships
• Honesty
• Responsibility
• Self-respect

See:

Values-Based Action

when values can guide the next choice.

If useful, rate the urge from:

0 to 10

before the delay and again afterward.

You are not trying to force the number down.

You are learning:

whether and how the urge changes over time.

If the urge is still strong, you can say:

“I'll wait another five minutes.”

Delays can be repeated.

After reassessing, you may choose:

• Another delay
• A different coping skill
• Support from another person
• A safe alternative action
• To move on from the urge

The purpose is:

choice rather than automatic reaction.

Maybe you delayed and eventually still did the behavior.

Avoid turning that into:

“The delay was pointless.”

You can still learn:

• How long you were able to wait
• Whether the urge changed
• Which coping strategies helped
• What made acting more likely

Behavior change often involves repeated practice.

Ask:

“What would help me create a little more space next time?”

You might:

• Delay earlier
• Change Environment sooner
• Contact someone
• Use another skill during the delay

Practice delay with everyday urges.

For example:

• Wait five minutes before checking your phone
• Pause before making an unnecessary purchase
• Wait before responding to an irritating message

This gives you practice experiencing:

wanting something without immediately doing it.

You may discover:

• One minute is enough for some urges
• Five minutes works well for others
• Some situations need much longer

The skill can be adapted to the situation.

When you notice a strong but non-emergency urge:

1. Name the urge.
2. Set a five-minute timer.
3. Do not act until it ends.
4. Use another coping strategy if helpful.
5. Reassess when the timer ends.

If five minutes feels impossible, start with:

one minute.

At the end, ask:

“Can I wait one more minute?”

Repeat if useful.

Set a timer for several minutes.

During the delay, choose one activity:

• Read
• Watch something brief
• Complete a small task
• Play a game
• Listen to music

When the timer ends, reassess the urge.

Set your delay.

Then:

• Walk
• Stretch
• Use Gentle Movement

until the timer ends.

Notice whether the urge feels different afterward.

When the urge appears:

1. Set a delay.
2. Move somewhere different if appropriate.
3. Leave the triggering cue behind.
4. Reassess in the new environment.

Tell a trusted person:

“I'm going to wait ten minutes before doing anything. Can you talk with me until then?”

When the delay ends, reassess together if helpful.

Before the delay, rate the urge:

0–10.

At the end, rate it again.

Write down:

• Starting intensity
• Ending intensity
• What you did during the delay

Over time, this can show you which strategies are most useful.

When the timer ends, ask:

“Can I wait another five minutes?”

If yes, reset the timer.

Work through the urge in manageable pieces.

For a message you want to send:

1. Write it.
2. Do not send it.
3. Choose a delay.
4. Do something else.
5. Reread it when the delay ends.

Then decide what you actually want to communicate.

For a decision that does not need to be made today, try:

“I am not deciding until tomorrow.”

This can be useful for things such as:

• Impulsive purchases
• Emotionally charged decisions
• Messages that do not require an immediate response

Do not use this rule when an actual deadline or safety issue requires action sooner.

During the delay, make four lists:

• Benefits of acting on the urge
• Costs of acting on the urge
• Benefits of resisting the urge
• Costs of resisting the urge

Then reassess.

This uses the formal DBT:

Pros and Cons

skill.

Choose a brief delay.

Instead of distracting, sit with the urge.

Notice:

• Body sensations
• Thoughts
• Changes in intensity

Do not act until the delay ends.

This overlaps with:

Mindfulness of Urges.

Afterward, record:

1. What happened before the urge?
2. What did the urge tell you to do?
3. How strong was it?
4. How long did you delay?
5. What helped?
6. What happened next?

Repeated patterns may help you prepare earlier next time.

That can happen.

Urges may increase before they decrease, or remain strong for some time.

Add another skill:

• Change Environment
• Distraction
• TIPP
• Support

rather than assuming you must simply sit alone and endure it.

Give yourself something else to do.

Set the timer and move attention to:

• A task
• Music
• A conversation
• Movement

until it goes off.

Make it smaller.

Try:

60 seconds.

You can always add another minute.

Reassess.

Ask:

• Can I delay again?
• Would changing location help?
• Do I need support?
• Would Pros and Cons help?

The end of the timer is not an instruction to act.

That may actually be useful at first.

You do not always need to settle:

“forever”

while the urge is intense.

The immediate skill is:

not now.

Decisions about long-term behavior change can happen when you are in a better state to make them.

Decide whether you want to:

observe it

or:

redirect attention.

If observation becomes overwhelming, use Distraction or Change Environment.

If you want to practice observing, use Urge Surfing or Mindfulness of Urges.

Look for the earliest part of the pattern.

Ask:

• What triggered the urge?
• What did I feel in my body?
• What thought appeared?
• When could I have inserted the delay?

Then prepare for that earlier point next time.

Avoid:

“Then the whole thing was a failure.”

You still practiced creating a gap between:

urge and action.

Review what would make the next delay more effective.

Delay does not have to mean constant internal argument.

Try:

“The urge is here. My decision is already made for the next ten minutes.”

Then redirect attention until reassessment time.

It creates several seconds of space before:

• Speaking
• Responding
• Acting

Think:

“Wait a second.”

You deliberately decide:

“I will not do this for the next five minutes.”

or another defined period.

Use it when the impulse continues beyond a brief pause.

Its central instruction is:

“Not yet.”

You create a specific period without acting.

During Urge Surfing, you observe the urge as a changing experience rather than:

• Fighting it
• Feeding it
• Immediately reacting to it

You can combine them:

delay acting while surfing the urge.

You deliberately notice:

• Thoughts
• Body sensations
• Changes in intensity
• The urge to act

without immediately reacting.

You decide:

“For this period of time, I am not acting on the urge.”

Mindfulness can then be one way to spend that delay.

The core decision is:

“I am waiting.”

You temporarily focus attention somewhere else.

Distraction can make delaying easier, so the two skills work well together.

You intentionally postpone the behavior.

You may move away from:

• A trigger
• A cue
• A conflict
• Something that makes acting easy

Changing Environment can make the delay much easier to maintain.

You do not act immediately.

The formal DBT Pros and Cons skill helps you compare:

• Acting on the urge
• Resisting the urge

including both:

• Benefits
• Costs

The two skills can be used together.

You create time before choosing a behavior.

When an emotion or its intensity does not fit the facts, DBT Opposite Action may involve acting:

opposite to the emotion's action urge.

Delay can give you enough time to determine whether Opposite Action is appropriate.